too big, too fast.

Preschool.  Yep, thats right. Today was the day I thought about for two whole years wondering how it was going to be.  My little man was going to be old enough to venture out on his own, make his own friends, meet new people, have to figure out how to do things for himself – how would he do? Would he be able to stand on his own, had I babied him too much? was he independent enough?  Of course 100 other questions I’ve asked myself over and over, but at 8am this morning – all those questions went out the window when I saw this little face sitting on the front steps waiting to get into the car to head to preschool for the first day as he yelled as loud as he could ‘SCHOOL – YES!!! SO FUN!!!!!’

Heartbroken. In one word that was my thought as I snapped the following picture. Selfish, I know, but its true.  Wasn’t he going to miss me? Did he know I was going to be leaving for a few hours, did he even care?!!!!  “YAY SCHOOL” is what he said in this second shot – and I couldn’t help but laugh – do you see his excitement!!

So Rick, Jackson and I all headed into the car – talking about going to school the whole way – how much fun he was going to have – how his teachers were going to take such good care of him.  Just as we arrived I thought he’d get a bit anxious but low and he behold he marched right in, walked right over to the sand table, wandered around a bit and was good to go!  He even stood next to a new little girl and leaned in to give her a hug — way to go Jack! He didn’t even know her name yet! 🙂  Since he seemed like he was doing so well, we decided to head out – it was then that he realized we weren’t going to be there with him and he started to cry.  So did my heart. I had to keep walking with Rick – I knew it was best, I knew he would be fine but the thought of leaving him crying with strangers, new kids, in a place he had only been a few times before  – it broke my heart.  What I didn’t know was that it broke Rick’s heart just as much!  I think if I wasn’t there he would have marched right back in to get him! 🙂  We headed out and came home to continue the clearing and moving of stuff for Ms. Molly’s arrival.. before we knew it it was time to go back..  yes! I couldn’t wait to see his face!
We pulled up into pickup line and he came out with his teacher – I’ve never wanted to run over and scoop him up so much in my life!  Had it really only been 1.5 hours?  I swear it seemed longer!  What am I going to do when the full day starts in just a few weeks after everyone is used to school!  He came over to the car and his teacher handed him to Rick – he said thank you and we got all buckled in ready for home — “HOW WAS SCHOOL JACKSON!!!!!” I couldn’t wait to hear all about it!  What is the first thing he says to us……
“Mommy always comes back.”
There it was.  Right out there in the middle of the road.  No matter how worried I was, my little man knows in his heart, no matter what, Mommy will always be there… Mommy will always come back.  With those four words I knew I must be doing something right to give him the confidence to go out on his own, make new friends, go new places, but to remember that Mommy always comes back and is always there to surround him with love. 
So overall?  It was a great day.  My baby boy is growing up so fast – faster then I ever imagined.  I can’t help but think of how special this time is over the next few weeks as I know this is the last time it will be ‘just us’ before his baby sister arrives.  I know my heart will grow and expand but I also know there is a tiny part of me that will miss this – that will miss just us  – that will forever be grateful he gave me the gift of two years ‘just us.’
 
I love you Jackson David.  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you – You were so brave and such a big boy today on your first day of school.  Thank you for giving us the greatest gift of all — The gift of being your mom and dad.  
We love you with all our hearts.
xoox