When I wasn’t looking, my little tiny 6 lb. 14 oz. baby boy grew into a preschooler who weighs somewhere around 40 lbs.
When I wasn’t looking my bald little baby grew enough hair that he just got a summertime ‘boys regular’ haircut.
When I wasn’t looking, my giggly, drooling, toothless six month old grew into a lean, strong, healthy little boy.
When I wasn’t looking, my little baby who’s hand could barely wrap around one of my fingers, now walks with me hand in hand.
When I wasn’t looking, my snuggley nursing little blessing who thrived with just the milk I gave him for almost a year grew big and tall enough to get his own drinks and snacks.
When I wasn’t looking, my sweet baby boy grew into an amazing big brother and best friend.
When I wasn’t looking, my heart grew with more memories and love than I could have ever dreamed… and I am grateful.
It is the eve before your 4th birthday. At this time four years ago, I was pacing around our two bedroom apartment wondering if I was in labor. Wondering if this was ‘really it!’ Wondering if I was going to make it through what everyone says is the most amazing (and difficult!) experience of your life. I sat in the rocking chair we got for you wondering what you would look like. I folded the last few outfits we washed so everything would be ready, I looked around your room with your name on the wall and wondered if we were ready. My labor got worse and by morning we finally headed to the hospital. After a long day, you finally made your appearance at 11:50pm and it was beyond magical. I will never forget the moment they placed you in my arms – the way you looked up at me – the way I fell in love with you in an instant. I relive that moment in my head quite often because it was so powerful. It was the day you gave me the most incredible gift; you made me a Mommy. I remember holding you with tears in my eyes thinking how grateful I was that you picked me. That I was the blessed one to have you as my son. What an honor.
I remember holding you after you had your first bath and we were settled in our room that night. You were what I had dreamed about my entire life. I studied every inch of you. Your tiny little hands, your wrinkled little feet. Your perfect little mouth. You were my perfect. We sat in the hospital bed together, I had you on my lap propped up against my thighs facing me. It was somewhere around 4am and you were only a few hours old. I sang you ‘You are my sunshine,’ and you fell asleep. I meant every word of it. You melted my heart that day and from every day since then you have given me so much more than I could every tell you. Maybe that is why I sing ‘You are my sunshine’ to you everyday…
I have watched you grow from such a pudgy, rolly-polly baby to a healthy, smart, witty little boy. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you have so much compassion. You are very soft souled and you have a heart full of love and wonder. The questions you ask are amazing. The stories you tell are hysterical. The wonder in your eyes is hopeful. You are a gift.
I can’t believe you are already four years old. Thank you for giving me four of the greatest years of my life. Thank you for sharing your soul with our family. You are an amazing brother to Molly, a great playmate to all your friends, and an incredible son to Daddy and I. I can’t wait to see what you will teach me in the next year and all the years after that. You fill me up. You truly amaze me everyday.
Happy 4th birthday little man!
I love you with all my heart and soul,